Sherie Griffiths

August 6, 2011

What’s in a name? Online, maybe not as much as we think

So, the worldwide web is twenty today! The internet is a good few years older, but it was on 6th August 1991 that the first openly accessible website was published.

Twenty years on, it’s an amazing information and communication tool. Chances are I wouldn’t be talking to you without it; but like every major development in the way we humans interact, it has its pitfalls – things the owner of the original website could never have dreamed of!

We’re all aware of identity theft – but what about identity shifting? What do I mean? Well, I’m talking abut the fact that any one of us can hide behind the apparent anonymity of the web and project an online persona which might have very little to do with who we really are. That’s not all bad, of course. It lets very small businesses compete with much larger ones and very big businesses make themselves appear smaller and more approachable; but it also opens the door for misrepresentation – sometimes accidental, sometimes not.

Before I say another word, I have to put my cards on the table: everything I do is about connecting individuals through the spoken word, with a view to them building personal relationships – which are so central to twenty-first century business. So I’m biased – but that doesn’t mean my misgivings – and those of plenty of others I come across – don’t have value. In fact, if they’re acknowledged, they represent an opportunity for those involved in using the web for written communication. If that’s you and you acknowledge what worried me, take it on board and address it in practical terms, we’re well on the way to working together – and I’d certainly recommend you to anyone else who shares my concerns.

One founding stone of any relationship is trust. That’s hard enough to build when we can’t see or hear somebody, but it can be done, over time. For me, it can be undone pretty damned quickly if, after an exchange through social media or email, I find out that I wasn’t actually talking to who I thought I was talking to – that someone else was reading my words and responding in their name.

I’m talking here about emails and social media accounts in personal names, not under a purely business identity. Me being me, I’m always curious about who handles a company’s Twitter or Face Book account, or who actually answers the ‘info@’ emails, but that is just because of what I do and the way I am. On a practical level, it really doesn’t bother me as long as I get the information I’m after. That said, I do interact differently with a general email address or a Twitter feed in a company name; I’m much less likely to get into conversation unless I can get a feel for who I’m actually talking to. I’m not saying that never happens – just that I find it harder -and if I’m not getting into conversation, I’m less likely to build up the kind of rapport that makes me want to progress the connection. For instance, I’m never quite sure how to open an email to an ‘info@’ and I’ve never replied to one particular company Twitter feed – even though I work very closely with the company concerned and may well know the person at the keyboard. At the moment, I don’t know who that is, so the most I’ll do is retweet their posts.

When I email or tweet someone in their own name, though, it’s different. I just find that more approachable. while I’ve been writing this I’ve had a mini-chat with a complete stranger (who, as far as I can tell, tweets in his own name), about getting up too early on a Saturday. Some of those little exchanges have led to phone-calls – which have led to work. I feel more comfortable, being able to visualise someone, however vague and general the visualisation may be. It can be enough to start building trust – unless or until I discover I’ve had the virtual wool pulled over my eyes!

I completely understand the practical reasons for engaging someone else to handle their social media accounts, and even emails, on their behalf. Sheer time pressure is the biggest; but I’ve seen the decision to delegate come back and bite people.

One contact delegated their emails to a new PA – who promptly took it upon herself to make executive decisions about what the boss should and shouldn’t be made aware of – which caused said boss all sorts of commercial and personal hassle! Another example, a client of mine back in my lawyering days, ran into problems when she delegated her emails. No-one was made aware of the change, so one contact, who used the address for personal as well as business exchanges, went on blithely sending my client messages including some private information that neither the sender nor the recipient would have wanted to share with anyone else. The PA, of course, read this – and didn’t keep it confidential. The result was very messy, legally and personally.

More recently, a friend of mine started tweeting a lot more regularly than usual. He was putting out some good stuff, so I started retweeting it. In an email a couple of days later, he said, ‘Thanks for the RTs – but you’re tweeting stuff I know nothing about! My marketing people must be earning their money!’ I did have to smile at that – but more seriously, I hoped he didn’t have the embarrassment of running into someone else who might use one of the articles which had been tweeted in his name as a conversation opener… an article the supposed tweeter had never even read… Eggy features all round…

For me, the discomfort is about all these practical risks as much as my personal belief that nothing beats a genuine human connection.

I recently spoke about this to a social media expert. ‘But if it’s managed properly,’ she said, ‘you’d never know.’ ‘But that’s worse in a way!’ I said. ‘That means I could go on talking to one person thinking they’re someone else – thinking I’m getting to know someone when they’re actually a proxy – and what happens if I end up talking to the named person for real? I’m suddenly going to twig that we don’t know each other at all!’ She explained that if she manages clients’ accounts for them, she’s careful to make sure that anything specific goes back to the client for them to deal with personally; but she’s a conscientious professional applying best practice. Other web-based cock-ups tell us that not everyone follows best practice!

Ok, so as an ex-lawyer and current radio and podcast presenter and trainer, ghosts unnerve me – communication ghosts that is: ghost bloggers, emailers, tweeters and Facebookers all make me uncomfortable; but I can see it makes business sense sometimes. Commerce is all about compromise – between quality and cost, time and hands-on control etc. All I would say, as I say to my own clients about creating audio for their business (no, I never present in anyone else’s name – I’m no impressionist!) – delegate, but whatever you do, don’t abdicate responsibility; and choose your ghost with care. It has to be someone you trust not to abuse the position you’re putting them in; to know the boundaries. Your personal and commercial credibility is on the line. Finally, if you can possibly avoid it, don’t let them communicate in your own name. Anyone with the right credentials can represent your business, but only you can really represent yourself.

What do you think? Can you see my point – or do you think I’m over-reacting? I’d love to know – as long as you are who you say you are…

May 27, 2010

‘Would You Listen To Yourself?!’

Babies start learning to speak even before they learn to live without nappies.  So why are so many adults embarrassed when they hear themselves?

I recently saw a very capable, confident man who, under normal circumstances, can happily chat away to complete strangers, look as though he was about to curl up in a cringeing ball when we threatened to play back the interview we’d just recorded with him.  He isn’t the exception that proves the rule – he is the rule!

I completely understand the feeling.  I avoided listening back to my earliest podcasts – so I was shocked not so long ago, when I ran across the very first and realised how unnatural it sounded! When I was told, several years ago (by a friend with years of broadcast experience) that I really had to listen back to a recording I’d made, I was horrified – I kept putting it off! When I eventually forced myself into it, it was very uncomfortable; but in time, I got used to it.  These days, it’s just part of my job.

Another part of that job is to help clients get over any fears they might have about speaking in front of people, recording and (often the most challenging) listening to the results.  Since watching that client go through the familiar reactions, I’ve been wondering: what is it that we’re actually afraid of in that situation?

The human voice conveys feeling better than anything else – which is why it’s such a powerful communication tool.  We pick up over five times more information from what someone says than what they write, because we can hear so much which is lost in the printed word – tone, inflexion, pace and so on.  All this speaks volumes about how they’re feeling.  Very experienced speakers, like politicians – and (dare I say it?) presenters – learn to convey the emotions they want the listener to pick up.  Unfortunately for those of us who talk for a living, plenty of people can also hear a fake a mile off.  So we have to believe what we’re saying – even if it means suspending disbelief.

To give you an example: I went into the studio one afternoon last year in turmoil because I was waiting for some personal news.  All I had to do was to record some fairly simple links, but when I wasn’t screwing them up – getting all the right words, but not necessarily in the right order – the tone was all wrong.  In the end, I had to push everything else aside and pretend all was fine.  At times like that, presentation is an acting job and, like an actor, you have to ‘believe in the role’ if you want to be convincing.

Less than ten years ago, I was terrified of speaking in public – let alone hearing the results!  For me before I overcame that fear, I suspect it was about revealing what I didn’t want to show – laying myself open.  I don’t suppose I’m alone there – so perhaps the fear of listening to ourselves has something to do with not wanting to hear what we’ve revealed?

I think it also has to do with the trouble so many of us have, looking at ourselves through someone else’s eyes – all too often, we’re our own toughest critics and all we see are the negatives.  We might not be mad keen on what we see in the mirror, but it tends to be a private discomfort.  When we look at a photo or video, we’re seeing what everyone else can see – albeit through thorn-covered specs!  It’s the same with the voice.

This isn’t something that automatically goes away because you turn pro.  Just watch the actors who sit steadily looking away from the screen in a tv interview while the audience watches a clip of their latest film; and I know of at least one highly experienced radio presenter who can’t stand listening to himself (I don’t know why because I think he’s fantastic – he obviously hears something I don’t).

The other side of the coin is that so many of us buttoned-up Brits are pre-programmed to self-deprecate – even when we secretly think we look or sound alright, we’re embarrassed to admit it – in case we’re seen to be ‘big-headed’!

I’m not suggesting you should learn to love the sound of your own voice – only make friends with it – which starts with learning to accept it, faults and all.  That isn’t to say you listen uncritically.  From my point of view, the easiest ways to help a client improve on their presentation technique is for them to spot where it needs improving.  It’s all about learning to be more objective and to give yourself constructive criticism, rather than being hypercritical.  I still don’t like my estuary vowels or the fact that, if I’m not careful, I tend to use ‘ok’ too much; but it’s ok – OOPS – see what I mean?! – provided I don’t lapse into broad ‘Essix-gewl’ and start ‘okaying’ in every sentence!

Seriously, for some people, learning to listen to themselves is just a matter of acquiring a new skill and practising it.  It can go deeper though.  The voice is so individual, so personal. It’s the product of our lives to date – where we’ve lived, where we’ve been educated, our families, friends etc.  So for some people, whether or not they can listen to themselves comes down to how comfortable they are with themselves.  If, deep down, you don’t really like who you are or where you come from, you’ll shy away from hearing the evidence, won’t you?

The power of speech, especially in business, is greatly underestimated.  As I’ve said before, 21st-century commerce is all about relationships and relationships in all their forms start with attraction.  One of the most effective and lasting ways of attracting people, in my experience, is by talking to them – engaging with them on a one-to-one basis, whether through conversation, live presentation or recording.  We wouldn’t send out a flyer, brochure or any other written communication without proof-reading – and yet so many people (I used to be one of them) deliver everything from elevator pitches to full-length presentations, even recordings, without ever having listened to themselves properly.  Becoming comfortable with hearing yourself opens up a whole new raft of possibilities – and I can tell you firsthand, it’s also very liberating!

February 9, 2010

What’s The Link Between Teddy-bears And Podcasts?

I didn’t think there was one – until today.

I spent yesterday afternoon writing the outlines for two presentations. On the face of it, they couldn’t be more different.

The first was:-

“Who Is Fred? – and why did twenty-six seven-year-olds make friends with him?”, which I delivered this morning, at 4Networking in Ware. It was all about the children’s book, featuring a bear, which I produced with the Year 2 kids at the school where I’m a governor and the charity I one day hope to launch, to help disadvantaged kids discover and develop their potential through creativity.

The second was:-

“Whatcasting? – an introduction to using audio as an effective communication tool”, for the Business Café in Colchester, on 1st April … hmm .. I am slightly nervous about the date …

So what do they have in common? In one word, innovation and in another, potential.

The book developed in part from the need to find innovative ways of encouraging the kids (particularly the boys) to write. Several were from homes where reading and writing didn’t feature very much, so to them it wasn’t “cool”. One of the things we aimed to achieve – and I think we did achieve –by getting them involved in the book was to make it “cool” first to put their ideas into words and then to put them down on paper. Sometimes that began with a picture, progressed to a caption and eventually evolved into full sentences. Then at other times, they went straight for the pen – unleashing potential neither they nor their teachers knew they had.

My first foray into podcasting was in an effort to talk en mass to the clients and prospective clients of the law practice which I was running at the time, about legal issues. If they were aware and planned ahead, I knew they could save themselves time, money and aggravation. My challenge was how to communicate that. The people I wanted to talk to were busy. Their time was at least as precious as their cash – because it was in equally short supply! They were already bombarded with information leaflets etc – and if they’d been given one with “law” visible anywhere on the front, they would probably have switched off. Audio allowed me to talk to them directly, rather than at them, while they were doing other things.

So in both cases, a bit of lateral thinking about communication helped get a difficult and sometimes unpopular message across in a way the target audience actually seemed to enjoy! Well, they kept coming back for more, anyway.

In my experience, one of the biggest challenges we all face in business is around getting the right message to the right people at the right time – and, all-importantly, in the right language. The right people, of course, are the ones we want to talk to; the right message is the one we want them to hear; the right time is when they want to hear it; and the right language is theirs. That is, as I say, my experience – but what do you think?

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